Hand me my sippy cup, please...

This week feels like it's been very long.  I LOVE my job, but it was a very busy week and my neck and shoulders are wrecked.  I wanted to go to social knitting at The Yarn Lady, but it felt like a giant energy-sucking mosquito had been all ninja-like and drained me dry without me even noticing.  Anyway, whine whine whine, which leads me to WINE! I can finally indulge in wine at home now (long story, and no, it's not because I'm an alcoholic or anything.) so after my last client I called Thai Paradise, ordered coconut chicken soup and pad thai, and made a beeline for Target.  I'm pretty new to the wine world, so I like to peruse my options. What did I choose?

You're daaaaaaamn right.

The next stop was to the kitchen section, because I wanted to pick up a real wine glass.  I mean, I'd drink wine out of a plastic sippy cup if I had to, it doesn't make a huge difference to me. But sometimes I like to feel a little bit fancypants.  There was one other person in the wine glass aisle, a very nice gentleman who seemed just as baffled by the selection as I was.  Boxes and boxes of different sizes and shapes.  I was looking for cheap.  And possibly just one glass. One. That's all I wanted.  That's when I saw this:

Ummm....what? I think we need a bigger boat.

I glanced at the nice gentleman, probably making a "WTF" face with my eyebrows squinched together.  He glanced back at me, his salt and pepper mustache kind of quirked to one side. Me? I talk to strangers.

Me: "Seriously? What the hell? I just want a wine glass!"

NG (Nice Gentleman): *starts laughing* "I know. I'm trying to figure it out too."

Me: "Does it REALLY make that big of a difference? I mean, REALLY?"

NG: *laughs again*

Me: *snooty voice* "The wider bowl of the glass really emphasizes the bouquet of this particular vintage, blah blah blah.... Seriously?! You have to buy a complete set of wine glasses for EVERY type of wine you want to buy, EVER?"

NG: "I don't know. I have friends coming over, and all my wine glasses are mismatched or broken. They're kind of wine people, so I wouldn't want to get the WRONG kind."

Me: *gasp* Heavens, no! You wouldn't want to use a Bordeaux glass for a Pinot Grigio! Good lord!"

NG: *laughing again*. (He has a great laugh. That amiable older-black-dude laugh that makes you wish they were your Dad or your grampa. Sort of like the Doctor on the Simpsons)

So I kind of went on about the silliness of it all, and just gimme a damn coffee mug as long as it holds wine.  I finally picked out a box of 4 smallish wine glasses that were the cheapest ones there.  $5.99. Whatever, it works for me.  So here's why I keep calling the guy "Nice Gentleman". 

NG: "You just needed one glass, huh?"

Me: "Yep, but apparently that's not an option. So these will do!"

NG: "And you don't care what kind they are?"

Me: "Hell no."

NG: "You wouldn't mind the big ones?"

Me: "Holds more wine! Bring it on!"

NG: "Okay, here ya go."  And he proceeded to take a box out of his cart and hands it to me.  I tried to politely decline, but he turned the box to the side and showed me the magic red sticker of Target clearance. Our dear friend Clearance. $3.48. I immediately put back my suddenly exorbitant $5.99 box of SMALL wine glasses and plucked the holy grail of Clearance out of his hands. I thanked him profusely, which he shrugged off and showed me the other three boxes of Clearance Goodness in his cart. "You wiped them out, didn't you!" He grinned and said "That's why I don't mind passing these on to you. Enjoy."After wishing each other good luck, I was on my way to pick up laundry detergent next.  Hold me back, I'm a wild woman on a friday night!

  

The pad thai was excellent as usual, as was the thom kha soup. The riesling wine was also crisp, sweet, a bit tingly and totally yummy and relaxing. *takes another sip* 

Because I love you for reading my blog, I created this expert guide for you to help you navigate the murky waters of wine glass choosing. You're welcome. 

If you're a female, just turned 21 and moved into your first place with your boyfriend, and want to be all grown up and sophistimicated, you want this decanter.  It's pretty and it'll impress all your friends when you throw those PERFECT dinner parties you have planned, and serve your fancypants wine.  You'll play either classical music or Sade and discuss geopolitical whoosiwhatsits. It's all so very grownup. 

You can only serve Burgundy in these glasses. Don't you DARE pour anything else in them BESIDES Burgundy, or else Guido will come bust your kneecaps and take away your wine-drinking license. The curved lip makes it extra special.

My pinot is bigger than your pinot.  If you're drinking pinot noir, you need a BIIIIG glass. You know what they say, "once you go noir, you never go...something something". (I think that was a lot funnier in my head. Sorry.)

Do people in Bordeaux have bigger mouths? Is that why there's a bigger lip? Is Angelina Jolie from Bordeaux? That would explain the lips.  Maybe they're really tall too. 

Finally, a simple glass for basic red wine. Actually, I'm suddenly confused.  Pinot noir is red. Bordeaux is red. Burgundy is red (by definition, even!) Does that means you can use this all-purpose red wine glass for all of those? What about all those other glasses?! AAHHH! You're making my head hurt! Stoppit! 

Then we have this:

Don't even TRY to compare it to the all-purpose-red-wine-glass. It's so totally different. For one thing, it's....umm...well, it's definitely...um....

Okay, I kind of want to go crawl in a corner and start counting my arm hairs.

But wait, we're not done yet! You still have to make a choice! Suddenly, even HAVING a stem is an option. WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO DO TO ME?!?! I just want some wiiiine *sobbing*

*sigh* Really? Well, I suppose there is something very Hugh-Hefner-in-a-smoking-jacket about gently cupping a stemless wine glass in your hand.  All the better to look cool swirling it around, seeming like you know EXACTLY what you're talking about. And clearly, these three stemless glasses are totally different. They'll get really really mad if you tell them they look alike. People have died that way. Really. I knew someone whose roommate knew someone whose cousin it happened to.

*On a non-snarky side note, wouldn't this type of glass make your wine get warm really fast from your hand warmth? Just a thought.....

I am defeated.  Less surface area means fizzy sticks around longer. Logical. Okay, you can stay.

James Bond, bitch. Nuff said.

If you're a guy and you own these, it's only because your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend made you buy them. Most guys I know would drink beer that's been siphoned from the floor of yankee stadium. Scene: "Babe (not that *I've* ever been called that), would you grab me a beer? No no, I want it in that glass...you know, the one that makes it EXTRA AWESOME". Science fiction.

I'm sure if this gets around, I'll be dragged up and down the coals and torn new assholes all over the place.  I'm sure if I was drinking a 100 year old whatever that I would want the PERFECT glass that emphasizes its overtones of maple bark and flowery unicorn farts. For my $8.99 bottle of Relax Riesling however, what kind of glass did I get? I have no idea but it's big and holds lots of wine. 

Edited for extra husky cuteness. No, Loki wasn't drinking my riesling.

This dog cracks me up on a daily basis

I've gotta jet to work like, RIGHT NOW, but I wanted to share this with you. It's still just a prototype, but I'm getting closer to what I wanted.  What do you think? I think I'm going to call them "yarn houses".

It has a magnetic closure and  strap for your wrist or arm of your chair. Yarn feeds out of the hole at the top.  FEEDBACK VERY VERY WELCOME!!  Okay gottagotoworkbye!

Funny thing happened on the way to the blog this evening....

I got sidetracked. *GASP* NO! SAY IT AIN'T SO! Yeah, yeah....shaddup. Happy February everyone! First of all, the very best thing about today:

My quickie one-day knitting project got chosen as a featured knitting project of the month on craftster! YAAAAYYY!!! *kermit-the-frog style with flailing arms*

I won't pretend it's the first time anyone's ever done a project like this, but I did wing it on my own, and the yarn turned out SO perfectly.  I'm going to post a tutorial for it hopefully tomorrow, if you'd like to make some for yourself.  It'll be part photo, part video so it's completely clear. :D



       Everything I want to write about is so ADD all-over-the-place, so I decided to find a couple of pics and such from my childhood awkwardness.  It was exactly what I needed.  After talking with *someone* on the phone tonight, my upbeat, perky mood went poof! and I was left cranky and deflated.  Funny thing about creativity and inspiration (to write, in this case), the tiniest little thing can derail you. Anywho, I plunged into old scrapbooks, diaries, and a few old photos (my Mom has most of them socked away somewhere) and before I knew it I was laughing, gasping, and cringing at my past self with a perma-grin plastered on my face.  Once I came up for air, it felt like I had been on a mini-vacation.  I felt centered again, a little more sure of who I was and who I am.  For better or worse, you're always you, regardless of how you let anyone else make you feel.  You're your own best or worst company, but it's always down to you.  I wish I'd written more.  I wish I'd scrapbooked more.  There were SO many entries where I was too lazy to write about what had happened that day, so I wrote "I'll always remember it anyway".  I don't remember.  There were ginormous milestones in there, big news, big days.  I'm so glad I wrote a few of them down, because they're relevant.  If I could impart one thing to my old self, and hopefully to you out there, it's this: Write.  Write it all down.  You won't remember, so get it down while it's fresh.  It'll give you perspective for the future, new perspective on the past, and hopefully allow you to see things you might not have noticed before.  Here's a few choice things I found to share with ya'll, which I'll go more in-depth with in the future when it's not 10:30pm (I know, I'm such a grandma) and my tylenol pm isn't kicking in and making me all loopy.

I guess I didn't start off totally awkward, here's the proof:Okay, maybe a little awkward....Our first sheltie, Lady. Look at those bat ears!

Best picture of me ever. Hands down. EVER.

Tomorrow I'm going to continue this little trip down memory lane, because it just gets funnier and more awkward as time goes on.  Sooo tired. Plus, it's always good to end on a high note, right? Look how cute! Awww, pinchy pinchy chubby baby Bonnie cheeks!